Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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