i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
