I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize