I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
