oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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