A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
