i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
