Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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