Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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