...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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