The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
