oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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