Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
