Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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