her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
