i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
