Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
