listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
