I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
