I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
