Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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