What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
