i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
