don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As shirtless as possible
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
