He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
