I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize