hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
