How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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