what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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