When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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