Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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