dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
