After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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