all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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