It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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