so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
