I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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