How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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