We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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