You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
