your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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