Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
