So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize