Just cropdusted the office
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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