there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
