I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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