we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize