He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
