Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize