tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
