Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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