my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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