My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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