So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
