I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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