My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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