this beer tastes like vomit already
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
