I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
