I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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