People with herpes should wear stickers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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