dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
