Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
