went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
