Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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