remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
