i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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