So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
