I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
