i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
