you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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